1. Practice
2. Patience
3. Positivity
To be honest, I'm not sure that I listed them in that specific order, but as I will come to explain, it doesn't matter. It's a simultaneous process.
But I forgot something major, which, in my humble opinion, needs to be mastered before you can dream of building up your self-confidence.
PERSPECTIVE
By this, I mean that you need to understand where you fit into the world and humanity.
(So simple, right? Let me explain...)
The quickest way, in my experience, to build self-confidence and to eventually truly be secure in yourself is to understand where you fit into People. Why is this important? Because as individuals, we get SO caught up in what other people think of us. As a result, we opt to neglect our true self-confidence for our ego. This can misfire in many ways: we get so obsessed with building our ego that we become douchebags who pathetically grab every little opportunity for potential self-promotion, which quickly becomes an "I'm better than you" contest; we become invisible out of fear that we will do something wrong and damage our precious ego, and avoid humiliation (and opportunities for learning and growth) at all costs; we find a niche (which isn't bad in itself) and then get so into this comfortable place that we become one-dimensional and turn our once-limitless personality into a stereotype. We do these sorts of things because we are nurturing our ego, and if something happens to our ego, it is unnecessary devastation.
So how do I explain "perspective"? I'm going to attempt by making my own hypocrisy an example.
Right now, at this moment, at my grand total of two-almost-three blog entries (which, by the way, is one-almost-two more than my blogs usually survive), I have NOT made said blog available to the public eye. This is bad, because my whole goal in writing again is to develop my communication skills, to refine my written presentation, to BETTER WRITE FOR A PUBLIC AUDIENCE. So why on G-d's green Earth would I hide my writing from THE PUBLIC AUDIENCE? Because my ego is scared to death of the possible responses:
"What a typical, empty theme. Self-confidence? What a tool. Who writes about that?"
"She is so full of crap. She knows nothing about what she is saying."
"She. Is. The. Worst. Writer. To. Whom. I. Have. Ever. Subjected. My. Innocent. Eyes."
"She can't even use 'whom' properly. What a tool." (Unfortunately, that may or may not be true.)
Et cetera, et cetera. You get the point. I am scared.
Now, the honest perspective on this whole situation is as follows:
I made this blog to practice communicating, and that's exactly what I'm doing, which is respectable. It's not harming anyone. Some people will read it, many people won't, but that's okay because I'm an amateur writer and it's actually not what I want to pursue as my life's work. Of those who do read, some will like it and some won't, but probably no one will have an extreme reaction like I just described. And if they do have one, they'll have it, and then get up the next morning and go on with their lives. No harm done, for me or them. And I will keep chugging along, hopefully developing my skills along the way, and everyone lives a happy and fulfilled life.
There.
In order to really be secure in yourself, you have to understand that you are one of many, and that's all and everything you'll ever be, and that's an amazing miracle of humanity in itself. You have to really be okay with that, and you should be more than okay, because you are a part of the incredible monster of the human species that gives us all equally valuable DNA. If you are religious, you are one unique child of God; if you aren't, you are a small but individual, irreplaceable member of a species that recognizes your particular, irreplaceable existence.
So, if you have a bad date, if you screw up a public speech, if you flat out humiliate yourself, it happens. Maybe it's okay, maybe it's not, but it happens, and you decide what to make of it. There are six, almost seven billion other people in the world right now; yes, they may see you embarrass yourself, but they are living their own life full of trials and tribulations. Chances are, it affects you much more than it affects them-- embrace that. Be a person that you are proud to be because of your personal honor and integrity, not because you look good to other people. Unless you've got issues beyond what an amateur blog can address, if you live your life in a way that you are genuinely fulfilled by, other people will automatically think you look good. Prioritize.
So, with that said, I'm going to put this out to my Facebook, so I can walk my own talk.
Enjoy :)
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