"We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn't work out, because we can't fall back on the old excuse: 'Oh, well, I didn't really want it anyway.' We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey."
-Paulo Coelho, in the Introduction to his famous novel, The Alchemist
Is this blog my personal calling? Well, no, I hope not, because I have big plans for my life, and more in the medical/health policy field. But I do care about it, because I want to develop a space in the world where I can bare my soul passionately to whoever will read it, and I want it to be a bared soul that people find worth reading. So, even things that are a step below our ultimate life dreams, anything that we invest ourselves into is pretty difficult, in my opinion.
Why? Because we'll look stupid. We wanted something to be great so much, and then we couldn't make it happen. My high school Class Salutatorian gave a speech titled, "They're All Going to Laugh At You," addressing that (if memory serves correctly) it's normal to be afraid of starting out anew, because now you are at risk of that Awful First Day (the one where you look like an idiot, and now you've made an embarrassing first impression) but don't let the fear stand in your way.* It's a universal feeling, this insecurity; and yet, we're all afraid that the rest of the world will take our one failure and exploit it, use it against us, never let us forget it. We're so afraid that we let it stop us from really going after what we want, or we go after it half-heartedly, or we prepare ourselves for failure from the get-go so that later we can say, "Well, I knew I wouldn't make it."
Believe it or not, this is not going to be an Alchemist/The Secret/Self-Help-You-Can-Do-It blog. Because I haven't figured out the secret to overcoming insecurity. The title "Nature's Most Fragile Creature" is actually a title that has been applied to me, by my loving boyfriend.
(Actually, that title is applied to his mother's dog. I'm Nature's Second Most Fragile Creature. Other loving pet nicknames for me include "Attack of the 50 Foot Christa" and "Heeed," which refers to the size of my big head. We love each other.)
However, while I have not discovered the cure-all for insecurity, being quite the insecure person myself, I have found a lot of methods to addressing insecurity, and functioning as if it did not bother me at all. Honestly, at this point, often times I don't even think twice. I really believe confidence is a "Fake It 'Til You Make It" personal attribute, and would love to share the tricks I have used (and still use) to successfully "Fake It", if you will. I believe that is the most useful knowledge that I have, in this point in my life, that would be worthwhile to the virtual general population.
With that said, I'm not an expert, and would love suggestions, questions, and well-intentioned critiques. If you're going to be an unnecessary bully, then please go cyber-bully someone with a lot more money, fame, and/or success. I'm just a 24 year old student, I'm just trying to be a good person :)
Hope you enjoy! I have a New Year's Resolution to blog 3 times a week (or 12 times a month) so hopefully, before long, this blog will be seriously underway.
-Christa
*Kate, if you ever read this and I am absolutely wrong about the content of your speech, I'm so sorry, I may have adjusted the memory in my mind. But I remember the title very clearly, and remember being incredibly impressed with the caliber of that speech, especially for all of us being 17-18 year old high schoolers. That's how I retell the content of your speech, so I'm sorry numerous times if I'm completely wrong.
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